phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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