Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
