please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
