I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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