Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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