I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
