I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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