why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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