I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
