thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
