I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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