I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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