I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
