dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
