I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
