i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
