Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
