I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
