You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
