so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I think my moral compass just broke
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
