You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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