i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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