Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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