I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm both gender and math confused
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
