Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
