she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
