i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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