i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
