Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He felt like a one man threesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
