I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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