just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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