anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
