i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
