when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
