You made me cry and you don't even care
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
