Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
