I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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