he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
