By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
