Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
