dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
