So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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