Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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