hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
