we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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