@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
