non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
