I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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