I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
