and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
