Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
