You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
