Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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