I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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