If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
