I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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