You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
