All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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