i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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