How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
