Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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