she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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