Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
