Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
