i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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