i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
