Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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