You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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