there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
