dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
