The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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