MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
