Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
