every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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