That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
