I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
