So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
