just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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