i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
