Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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