If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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