just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
