Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
