Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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