Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Text me some of your sweat
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