Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
