They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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