i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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