I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
His hands were made for my vagina.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
