she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ok first of all what the fuck
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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