After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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