So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How naked do you want me to be?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
