Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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