WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
